


You are enough

by Joysprings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Comforting Castiel, Dean/Castiel - Freeform, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, SPN - Freeform, Suicidal Dean, Supernatural - Freeform, Worried Castiel, deanxCas - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joysprings/pseuds/Joysprings
Summary: Dean's been acting a little more reckless on hunts, especially the latest one. He's been acting more distant, and closed off. Sam and Cas know something is up, and when Sam refuses to let Dean go on this next hunt, going by himself instead, It's up to a worried Cas to get find out what's wrong. (Warning: Suicidal thoughts)





	You are enough

Dean laid on his bed in the bunker, nestled into the pillows, headphones over his ears and his eyes closed as he bobbed his head to the music. It floated through the wires of the device and out the small speakers. Led Zeppelins "black dog" to be exact. Dean hummed along, his foot swinging to the beat.

"Dean?" The oldest Winchester was to engrossed into the beauty that is classic rock, to hear his best friend. "Dean?" Castiel called again, eyes scanning the main room of the bunker. He had just returned from picking up groceries, which proved to be slightly more difficult than he anticipated, as half the things on Dean's list he had never heard of.

When Castiel didn't receive an answer, he couldn't help the sliver of worry that creeped its way into his mind. Why wasn't Dean answering? Was Dean okay? Did he need help? Castiel mentally scolded himself for worrying so much. He knew Dean didn't want to be babied, but ever since their last hunt, Castiel's concern for the hunters well being had been put on high.

Castiel had seen Dean behave in a very odd way on their last hunt. He knew that Dean was the type of man to sacrifice himself for the ones he cared about, but it seemed almost as if he was deliberately putting himself in harms way as of late. Especially when he threw himself at the creature the were hunting, and went tumbling out down a cliff, to the jagged rocks below

Castiel thought he had known fear before then. But he was wrong. He had never seen Dean pull a stunt so stupid, which was saying something. He understood now where the expression "My heart dropped" came from, because Castiel could have sworn his own heart did just that as he watched Dean go over the edge.

He had been frozen in shock for a split second before he screamed his hunters name, and ran towards the edge. Without so much as a second thought, he had flown to Dean, and transported him to safety on the ground below. The creature wasn't as lucky, and had impaled itself on a sharp log, meeting it's demise.

Since that incident, Dean had been even more reserved than usual, which was infuriating to both Sam and Castiel, who only wanted to help. Sam too had seen the increase in his brothers recklessness, and had spoken to him about those concerns. Castiel had agreed to speak with Dean, and that was exactly what he was about to do. If only he could find him.

The angel set the groceries down and chewed his lip, glancing around the seemingly empty bunker. "Dean," He tried again, his voice louder. He knew that Sam had gone out on a solo hunt, since they had both decided Dean wasn't ready to hop back into the world of hunting just yet. That decision had infuriated Dean to no end, resulting in a screaming match between him and Sam, that ended a rather sour note.

Castiel began to make is way down the halls of the bunker, stopping in front of Dean's room and lifting a hand to knock on the door. "Dean? Are you in there?" He asked, perhaps slightly louder than necessary. A few moments of silence passed before, shuffling was heard, and a grunt. "What?" Dean huffed.

Castiel felt himself sigh in relief, upon hearing his voice. "I've returned from running errands. I picked up the things you asked for. When you are ready, you may come collect them," Castiel spoke, wanting Dean to leave his room at least once. With that, he turned and headed back towards the kitchen, putting away the groceries.

Dean still hadn't arrived by the time he finished, and he began to lose hope, but soon, the elder Winchester came into the room, looking worn out, despite having spent what Castiel assumed to be all day in bed. "Where is it?" He grunted, and Castiel picked up the bag. "Six pack of beer...something called a Little Debbie...slim jim...Milky way...And of course extra matches, and lighters," He listed, unfamiliar with the popular snacks.

Dean peeked into the bag, and gave a nod of approval before picking it up and turning to go. Castiel frowned. "Dean," He called, and was surprised when the hunter actually stopped. "Yea?" He asked. Castiel sighed and walked over, stopping in front of Dean. "We need to talk. About the last hunt, and your...Reckless behavior,"

Dean rolled his eyes so intensely, Castiel was almost afraid they would never go back to normal. "Cas man I'm fine. Now if you'll excuse me," He said bluntly, and tried to squeeze past the angel. Castiel's frown deepened, and he deliberately blocked Dean's path. "No. I'm not going to let this go Dean. You could have died. You...You didn't hesitate. Sam and I have noticed you acting this way on multiple occasions, but on the latest hunt you went too far," He spoke sternly, although there was obvious worry, on his face and in his tone.

Dean took a sharp breath. "Cas, don't. There's nothing wrong, so just let me go," He breathed, in exasperation. Castiel set his jaw, and went so far as to step closer to Dean, leaving only inches apart from their faces. "No Dean. I want you to talk to me. To tell me why you have been behaving so...so carelessly,"

With a growl of frustration, Castiel found himself pushed out of the way, as Dean stormed passed. He was surprised Dean hadn't shoved him harder, considering that Castiel could almost feel the anger radiating off of his friend. "Dean!" He called again, and hurried after him, only to get the door to slammed in his face as Dean disappeared into his room.

"You do realize I am an angel of the lord, and could fly in, with or without this door between us, right?" He spoke, only to receive a huff in response. Castiel sighed heavily, and looked up, silently asking his father what to do next. Of course, he received no answer. "Dean. Sam and I are concerned. We care about you,"

"Leave me alone," Dean snapped. Instead, the hunter turned around and was startled as he was met with a stone faced angel. "Dammit Cas, I swear I'll use a banishing sigil on your ass," He threatened, sending a glare, hot enough to melt steel. Cas forcibly sat Dean down and leaned closer, impending his gaze upon him.

"Dean Winchester I do not believe you understand the severity of this situation. I could easily invade your privacy, and go through your deepest darkest thoughts, but as your friend, I am giving you a chance to open up to me yourself. So either you tell me what the hell is going on or I find out for myself,"

Castiel's voice was even lower than usual, and obviously very determined. Dean realized he was frozen, and by the looks of his best friend, he knew that he would gladly follow through with his threat. The last thing Dean needed right now was someone, especially Cas, prodding around in his head. With a scowl, Dean stood, pushing closer into the Angel's personal space.

"You wanna know what's going on? You wanna know why I've been so reckless?" He growled. "Because I'm fucking done Cas! I'm through! I don't give a damn what happens to me anymore!" He shouted, turning away so he wouldn't see the pity in his friends eyes. He took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. "I'm tired Cas. I'm so damn tired, and I just want to be done,"

Castiel felt as if he'd be sick. Like he had just been stabbed in the heart, and had the knife twisted, just for shits and giggles. Dean was trying to die. He had been trying to off himself, in a way that would seem as if it were an accident. Castiel suddenly found it was hard to breathe. He didn't even need to breath, but if he did, he'd be gasping for air.

"You...You want to die," was all he could spit up. Deans jaw clenched, and he refused to make eye contact. "Well now you know. Happy?" He snarled, bitterly. But Castiel wasn't happy. How could he be happy? The righteous man, /his/ righteous man, wanted to end his life. "W..Why?" He croaked, wishing his heart would stop hurting.

"You have Sam, you have other hunters, friends, and...You have me. None of us want that for you Dean we...we love you. Without you...I-I dread to even think about that," Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head to the heavens. "There's things you don't understand Cas. Things you can't understand," He spoke, and he indeed sounded...Tired.

"Then help me understand Dean," Castiel pleaded, appearing in front of Dean. "Please I..." He stopped and reached out, taking a hold of Dean's wrist. "Dean look at me," The hunter made no move to obey his command, and Castiel gently squeezed. "Please," He repeated, desperate for some form of acknowledgment.

Reluctantly, Dean's eyes lifted, and Castiel's vision was filled with green. "You are not alone Dean Winchester. You may feel as if you are, but you never have been, and never will be alone. I am sorry. I am truly sorry that you feel...Unworthy to stay on this earth, but I promise you, you are more than worthy. You are the most selfless, courageous, kind hearted being I have ever known. In all my years of existence, there has never been a soul as bright, and complex as yours. From the moment I raised you from perdition, I knew you were special. You have done, and will continue to do amazing things. It is okay to have hardships, and to suffer, but you never have to suffer in silence. You never have to hide that. I will help you. Sam will, Mary will. We are all here to help you, and guide you to the light, whenever you are surrounded by the darkness of depression. But we need you to help yourself as well,"

A tear dripped out of Dean's eye and slid down his cheek. Never had anyone said anything like that to him before. Castiel lifted his hand and gently wiped the it away, cupping Dean's face gently, almost as if the man were made of glass. "You are enough," He whispered, and he truly meant it. "And I...I love you Dean,"

Overcome, with a sudden euphoria, and years of repressing his own feelings, Dean was unable to stop himself from closing the distance between them. He swooped in, capturing the Angel's lips on his own in one swift movement.

To Dean's absolute joy, Castiel had no hesitation to respond, tangling his fingers into the hunters hair and pulling himself closer. It was almost as if he had been expecting it, and it was all Dean needed to do for Cas to know he felt exactly the same way.


End file.
